It is now a year since I discovered the existence of the Provisional Adoption Order and  my status of being provisionally adopted.  During this year I have learned many things but the two that have stood out for me are that:

• the laws of any country are not always fair or just or even for that matter well-considered.  This is possibly because they are often a reflection of discussions that have been held in a specific society and are in the process of development and not in a fully developed stage, the Provisional Adoption Order is a proof of point.  In 1958 the UK Government introduced the PAO to answer a perceived need among a specific group of people.  In 1976 following a full review the UK Government recognised that the Provisional Adoption Order was not meeting the needs of the intended individuals but instead benefitted those who either did not understand the legislation or who chose to disregard them.  As a result its name changed and the rules modified and strengthened.

• when you go through a period of discovery you inevitably go through a process of personal growth.  You experience grief and maybe anger for what was, elation for new insights and finally peace with yourself as you come to terms with who you are.  While we might not choose these circumstances, how we face and deal with these challenges makes us who we are.  As you go through this process surprisingly you will change and there will be those around you who will struggle with the ‘changing you’ as a result.  That is their problem, you are ultimately responsible only for you and the choices you make in your life, just as they are for theirs.  At the end of the day if they really care about you they will come to terms with the ‘changing you’, if not, they are more interested in the version of you that suited them and their needs and not in the real you.

 One book that has been particularly helpful to me in this process has been “Secrets and Lies: Surviving the Truths that change our lives” by Jane Isay.  I cannot recommend it highly enough.

In the year ahead I hope to answer more questions about the reality of the Provisional Adoption Order and the impact it has one the lives of those who have one.  Stay posted.